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Breaking free from The Great Delusion

June 25, 2023
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In my May 9th blog, I wrote about having purpose and how our purpose gives us direction. I believe our life’s purpose is to be at Core. Core is love, it is goodness, kindness, fulfillment, it is joy, happiness, and peace.  Core is pure benevolence.  Therefore, our primary focus, our direction, is to achieve it.  The problem is we do not experience Core all the time even when it is what we are seeking.  So why don’t we achieve Core all the time when this is our primary goal as human beings?  This is the topic of this blog.

I believe the answer to this question can be explained by teaching multiple simple concepts and then putting them all together for a fuller integrated understanding.

To achieve anything a goal must be chosen.  In this case our goal is Core.  Achieving Core is like making a cake.  There are ingredients that must be used in specific quantities, they must be mixed in a specific way, and they must be baked at a specific temperature for a set amount of time.  If these natural laws of baking a cake are not followed you will not achieve the result you expected.

Core’s three main ingredients include cognition, physiology, and environment.  You are ultimately in charge of your cognition and your physiology although it may not seem like it.  You are in charge of your environment only to a degree.

Cognition includes your interpretations of your environment and physical reactions, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. It includes your beliefs about how things ought to be and your understanding of how the world works.

Physiology is simply how your body reacts to the environment and to your cognition; your breathing, heart rate, muscle tension or relaxation, facial expressions, other body language like hand and arm movement, your gut reactions, the dilation of you blood vessels.  All these physical reactions are sensations you can feel as a response to your environment.  Your cognition interprets these sensations and has a belief of how they were produced and how they can be corrected if needed.

Your environment is the who, what, where, when, how of everything that is around you.

All three of these ingredients work together all at the same time, all in the present moment, to produce your emotional outcome.  You produce your emotional outcome in the present based on your past interpretations of similar experiences.  You have learned how to interpret your physiology and environment by watching others.  You have learned how the world works by learning from others.

The problem with what you’ve learned from watching others is that others don’t know how to produce Core in all circumstances.  Therefore, the methods of interpreting your physiology and environment don’t work all the time, yet you keep using them over and over again, producing results you don’t like.  This is what I call The Great Delusion.  It’s like being hungry and eating a rock.  A rock will never nourish your body.

So how does this relate to sex addiction and betrayal.  Sex addicts have to interpret their physiology and environment.  When cravings become overwhelming, they often believe giving in will be relieving.  The truth is it is relieving… for a second.  And then they are back to misery.  They often believe the answer to their addiction is to try harder, alone.  If they involve others things will just get worse.  The truth is things often do get worse when they get honest.  At least for a while.  But healing happens.  If they don’t stop their addiction nothing ever gets better.  And they may behave in more severe behaviors that could cause graver consequences.  If they could only see more clearly.  But they are in The Great Delusion.

Betrayal is similar.  Those who have been betrayed try to figure out the addict, why he does what he does.  They try and figure themselves out, why they feel so crazy.  They hope to stop the madness of his acting out and their own emotional turmoil.  They check his emails, his texts, who he has called, keep him from associating with anyone that could possibly be dangerous to his sobriety.  For most partners these efforts are supposed to result in more positivity.  However, they usually will lead to more suffering.  They tend to blame themselves, their bodies, their decisions, for his indiscretions.  By taking on the responsibility for his actions they can change and keep him from acting out more.  That will solve the problem.  The truth is no matter what they do they cannot control his decisions and, therefore, it was never their fault. Until they realize this, partners suffer more deeply.  But once they are awakened from The Great Delusion, healing begins.

It is The Great Delusion that keeps addicts and betrayed partners stuck in their pain.  To heal, one must become enlightened and understand the true results of their cognition, physiology, and environment.  They must break free from The Great Delusion and learning the integration of cognition, physiology, and environment that actually achieves Core, all of the time, no matter the circumstance.