My Approach

My approach to sex addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma draws extensively from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness/meditation/hypnosis practices, Humanistic Therapy, Internal Family Systems Model (IFS), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Gestalt techniques, and psycho-education. I use many techniques including the work of Byron Katie (The Work: CBT), Jeffrey Zeig (Ericksonian Institute: mindfulness/meditation/hypnosis practices), Richard C. Schwartz (IFS: healing through communication with one’s self), Carl Rogers (Humanistic Therapy: empathic communication with one’s self and others), Peter Levine (trauma/body work through meditation), and Robert Dilts (NLP: logical levels).

I believe that our emotions and behaviors are based on our thoughts and beliefs. That our thoughts and beliefs are mostly logical. And because our thoughts and beliefs are logical, we often believe they are true when sometimes they’re not. Logical, yet untrue thoughts, can lead to unhappy results. We heal when we become aware of the actual emotional results of our thoughts and beliefs.

Sex addiction is a combination of conditioning and a natural desire to ‘feel better.’

Repeat a particular sexual behavior over and over again with a belief that you will feel better and you end up with an almost impossible behavior/thought process to break.

Betrayal Trauma happens when an individual finds out their partner is engaging in unfaithful behavior.

This causes an almost unbearable pain which is paired with a powerful desire to ‘feel better’ and a belief that the solution is to fix the betrayer. Put these 3 factors together and it becomes almost impossible to heal.

Because both sex addiction and betrayal are such deep issues, rooted in conditioning, trauma, and pain, it often takes a lifestyle change over a life-time to heal. Education regarding sex addiction and betrayal trauma is a major part of healing. Education helps to quickly make changes to the immediate environment. For sex addiction this may mean learning your addiction cycle so you can do things like protect a phone from pornography. The addict needs to end sexual acting out now. For betrayal, this may mean not making any major life decisions to reduce stress. After finding out about betrayal there is already overwhelming stress and you don’t need anymore

At the same time, it is just as important to learn the new recovery lifestyle. Because addiction and betrayal recovery both include conditioning factors we need to recondition healing into our brains and bodies. I teach 5 important growth activities to be practiced daily: mindfulness, continual education, writing, support meetings, and connecting to support individuals. Within these 5 daily activities individuals learn to become aware of their thoughts and how their bodies respond to their thoughts and circumstances. Individuals learn to discern thinking patterns that produce real healing rather than more pain. Depression and anxiety, past traumas, and in general, emotional suffering is addressed. Communication and problem-solving skills are taught to couples.

I do all of this work in individual and couples counseling. Counseling sessions are once a week, and I then provide online group coaching sessions Monday through Friday to provide my personal support, support from others facing your same life challenges, and to teach you as effectively and efficiently those growth skills that will benefit you in your recovery.

I have found that establishing a habit of practicing these skills can be challenging for many, so these sessions are also meant to be used as daily accountability. The quicker you understand the skills the quicker you will see results. When you hold yourself accountable you will practice your skills. And when you practice your skills often over periods of time the deeper your healing will be.

Each day of the week is dedicated to learning a particular skill.

Mondays: Question and Answer
Tuesdays: The Kirutz Process
Wednesdays: Meditation
Thursdays: Empathic Understanding
Fridays: The Work

My approach enables clients to understand themselves at the deepest level.

We only experience one of two things: positive or negative. That's it. We always seek the positive, however, that doesn't mean we always achieve positive results. In fact, many times our results are really painful. My approach helps clients dive deep and understand what is at the core of their pain so they can learn to free themselves from it and heal.