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Sex – slave or master

April 19, 2024
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There’s an old saying that resonates deeply with my work in sex addiction therapy: “Sex will either be your slave or it will be your master.” While this might not hold true for everyone, it offers a poignant entry point into the discussion about sexaholism. This condition, as I’ve come to understand it, sets certain individuals apart from the majority, much like the concept of an “allergy” described in addiction literature. Just as some cannot physically tolerate alcohol due to their biological makeup, there are those among us who experience an overwhelming craving triggered by lust.

It’s critical to acknowledge from the outset that sex itself is not the adversary; rather, it’s the misdirected pursuit of lust that ensnares. Lust, by some definitions, is the misuse of something in a manner it was never intended for. Many seek sex under the illusion it will yield lasting happiness, only to find themselves trapped in a relentless cycle of fleeting pleasure and subsequent emptiness.

For individuals caught in this cycle, sex ceases to be a choice and instead becomes a master, dictating their actions without regard for moral considerations of right or wrong. This enslavement to sexaholism, as heartbreaking as it is, often leaves sufferers with seemingly only one way out: the intervention of a higher power.

The twelve-step program, a cornerstone in the treatment of various addictions, offers a structured path towards reclaiming control over one’s life. It begins with the acknowledgment of powerlessness over lust, leading to the belief in a restorative power greater than oneself. The subsequent surrender to this higher power marks the start of a profound transformation.

This journey, although born from pain and desperation, can culminate in an unparalleled sense of peace and fulfillment. Through my work, I’ve witnessed individuals emerge from the depths of sex addiction to become some of the most serene and joyful people imaginable. Their recovery, powered by a connection with a higher power of their choosing, stands as a testament to the incredible resilience and capacity for change inherent in the human spirit.

In sum, while the path through sexaholism is fraught with challenges, it also opens the door to a life enriched by genuine happiness and inner peace. The journey from being mastered by sex to mastering one’s own life is not only possible but deeply rewarding.